


Dear Diary: Baker Street Edition

by AtlinMerrick



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, dear diary, madcap diary entries for any and all Sherlock characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25626682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlinMerrick/pseuds/AtlinMerrick
Summary: Herein are the madcap diary entries of any and all creatures, great and small, near to, adjacent to, or related to the residents of 221B Baker Street.(This exists so I can write tiny stories when I'm busy; why didn't I think of this when I started my masters degree?I don't know.)Please prompt if you so wish. The Management
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 197
Kudos: 154





	1. Hot Wheels (Sherlock)

Dear Diary,

John is making me take a driving certification course again.

He says I can't drive, which is entirely news to me as I've had my licence since I was ten years old. [No you haven't Sherlock.]

This is happening because during _The Case of the Hot Wheels_ (really John?) [Yes, really Sherlock] I may or may not have got our hire car up onto two wheels as we chased a suspect down by the wharf. I consider it ironic that this upset John, since he can't even drive a car on four.

Anyway, now I'm lost somewhere in Wandsworth because all the street signs use some sort of indecipherable Celtic font, I can't find the driving college, and I feel it's unfair for John to expect me to wander aimlessly. That is why I'm sitting here with my coffee and a muffin and in a minute I'll tell the barista I know she's having an affair with the town librarian. I'm sure this will lead to a lively conversation and that I can then— [Sherlock, we've talked about this.]

This is my diary John Watson! IS NOTHING PRIVATE ANYMORE?


	2. John 0, Mrs Hudson 1, Sex Urine 2 (Mrs Hudson)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs Hudson tried to tell him, she did. He didn't listen and now _someone's_ got to take all of this to the skip...

Diary Dear,

John, bless him, thinks I'm a bit dithery.

This is lovely when he brings me honeyed tea if I sneeze (I never tell him it's from giving my herbal soother a good little sniff before lighting up) it's less good when he's in a hurry to meet Himself, and doesn't hear a single word I say.

"Oh John! I grew up beside Brompton Cemetery and you must—"

"—watch out for ghosts? Ha, yeah thanks Mrs H. No no, I'll get the door, it's snowing and we don't want you getting the sniffles again. Back late!"

Back late my arse. Both were home a few hours later because you can't have a stakeout when you smell of sex urine. I did try to tell him.

At least now they both know winter is the height of red fox mating seasons, those foxes mark _everything,_ and you really must watch where you sit.

That smell is never coming out of John's trousers or Sherlock's shoes.

—  
_LyricalSinger prompted "Skunk 1, Sherlock 0," but since England doesn't have skunks, I tweaked (thank you Lyrical!). Yes, fox urine_ can _[smell skunk-like](https://naturallycuriouswithmaryholland.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/red-fox-scent-marking/), I lived right beside Brompton Cemetery for years, and it's definitely full of mating foxes!_


	3. Miracle (Lestrade)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They just let him get on with things...

_Dear Diary, I haven't sle—_

"DI Lestrade. What? No, it's fine, I already told them they could have whatever they need."

_—pt in what feels like a week. It's only been—_

"DI…what? Come again? No, I know what chicken feathers are, what the hell is a Fresnel lens? Oh, that's no problem, I've already said they can have everything they ask for. No I'm not angry."

_—so anyway, it's not even been three whole days I've been awake but that's not the point._

Lestrade stopped so he could remember the point. He stared at his hand. With the pen in it. On the pad where he was two days into tracking his daily life so he could look back on—ah! Okay.

_Anyway, the point is this case. It—_

"Oh for fuck. Look. Just. No. No it's not breaking the law Constable Piada it just _feels_ like it is. I've been doing this with them for twenty years now and it's fine, just put my name on everything. Good lad."

_I don't even remember the point actually. I mean we're this close to shutting down a money laundering ring across thirty countries. This close but it feels like we'll never—_

"What!" Lestrade closed his eyes in contrition. He micronapped for three seconds. He woke in time to hear PC Ahuja murmuring soothing sounds to the new constable. She must have taken the phone.

"Everything's fine sir, PC Piada was just a little worried. We've approved the tugboat and dynamite for Mr Holmes. We won't disturb you again."

_Look diary, all I'm trying to say is we're almost there, recovering a billion in fake euros and—_

There was the sound of an explosion. Lestrade looked up. From his digs in his office in the _new_ New Scotland Yard he could just make out a cloud of smoke and paper rising above the Thames.

He looked down at his brand new diary. "I don't even know why I'm doing this." Still and all, DI Greg Lestrade is a completist and so he completed.

_Sherlock performed another miracle today. No one knows how. Again._

Then Lestrade put his head down on his desk and slept comfortably for the next four hours.  
  


—  
_Author's note: I've missed ya. Hello. P.S. Prompt the next one?_


	4. Give No Quarter (Molly)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you learn surprising things about yourself. 
> 
> Like you may just a little tiny small teeny weeny bit be capable of murder...

Dearest Diary,

I like to think of every day as a chance to learn something new, don't you?

I like learning the little things, like how that awful coffee in the cafeteria actually brings out the subtle cherry and almond notes in Dr Singh's home-made biscuits.

I also enjoy learning the big things, like I too can have murderous urges.

While the biscuits thing is no surprise, you'd really think that, as a medical examiner in London, I'd have seen so many murder victims that I'd be incapable of even thinking mildly mutinous thoughts much less homicidal ones, but there you go.

Ha! I just noticed my own pun! But mutiny is very appropriate here because this is about Sherlock. Sherlock Holmes. I know you're a brand new diary for 2021, so you won't have heard of him, but he's a big deal in dead body circles, and I used to have a crush on him.

That ship has long since sailed (ha, another pun!), though I'm still friends with him and his husband John of course. Currently. As of today. I don't know if that'll be the situation tomorrow because it's Sherlock who's taught me I can actually want to eviscerate someone. Someone who–

.  
.  
.

I'm sorry, I had to go get some wine.

So the thing is, I know how stressful the lockdown situation is for everyone. I'm a homebody at heart and even I sometimes go stand in the back garden in the middle of the night, just so I can feel like I went somewhere. So I know people are coping just how they can, and I also know the pandemic is bringing out new sides to people you thought you knew but, but–

.  
.  
.

Sorry, I accidentally drank that last glass really fast.

The thing is, everyone's a bit sensitive to stress right now and maybe you don't consider an ear worm stress but you know what diary? I DO.

.  
.  
.

Look, the thing is, the little tiny small stressful thing is, I _really_ need Sherlock Holmes to stop coming into the morgue singing those _fucking_ sea shanties over and over and over, or I swear to god, I absolutely swear that I am going to stab him repeatedly with my skull chisel and I am _not_ even going to be sorry! 

So row _that_ bully boy, row _that_ right into your aft canon starboard sail or whatever it is and you just _smoke_ it, yo ho.

Love and kisses,  
Molly

—  
 _Winklepicker prompted this. Don't thank her. She's angry. About the[sea shanties](https://twitter.com/EKingstonBooks/status/1349906687537373189), all the [sea shanties](https://twitter.com/vonstrenginho/status/1349824512544698369). Like so angry. Because lively as they are she's got upon her the earworm somethin' fierce. Anyway, I'd like to thank you for reading matey. Do prompt away for the next diary entries. Yo ho!_


End file.
